I have demons in me.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
