Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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