had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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