is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
