he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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