maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
