The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
