if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
