So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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