I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
