Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
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Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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