my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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