carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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