A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
