The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
