the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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