i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
