She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
