Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
