i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
