Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
