And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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