i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i think i have herpe
just one?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
