**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
