new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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