I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
