im having a threesome with these popsicles
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
