Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
