Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
