getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
