If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
