you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
