Jerry, you need to find god
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
