I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
