I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
