So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
