He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
