yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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