Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sorry my hands just texted you
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
