I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
