I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
ttyl tear gas
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
