So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
