Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
