No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
