I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
