I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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