I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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