Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
