Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
