Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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