Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
