seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
