The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
