so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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