great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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