Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
