Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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