have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
