The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
