So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
