My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
