your room smells of hookers.
And success
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
