I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
